Food. Nature. Art. I'm drawn to them. Every time i try something new i get stimulated and i think i'm addicted to that.
I was having some mix feelings on the way to our snorkeling spot in around Gili Air. It may sound silly for most people i guest, but i'm actually anxious and afraid to snorkel without a life jacket. It's not that we didn't have any life jackets, it was my goal not to have one on for the first time in my life. I'm not a great swimmer and i don't know how to tread water. I know i will float better in sea water, but still the insecure of the uncertainty is behind the door creeping in.
As soon as i left the boat and got into the sea a rush of fear came to me, i quickly grab the sides of the boat. Waited a minute for my body mind and soul to be engaged to the situation i head out further away from the boat. I am not familiar with snorkels, i kept drinking sea water, and then i panic. my hands were up on the surface , i scream, i was going up and down the surface, my heart was racing, my first thought was Oh no this is it. and then the second was calm down and think. i manage to take one breath and i swam back to the boat. shivering, i was angry at myself, i could have cried but i didn't. i was afraid after this has happen but inside of me has this voice saying that i can do this, give it another try.
and i did, i put on my rash guard ( faking it like im a pro), took of the snorkel since that was what made me panic, and in i go again, diving next to the boat. A good 20 minutes and we head to the next snorkeling spot and that was the time i manage the snorkel and swim far away from the boat into the sea without a life jacket. i have just accomplish what i set myself to achieve.
looking back is to truely understand that Panic does nothing to any situation. Being calm and quiet , wait, stop, be still, slow down, whatever term you want to use it all works.
